Men tend to suffer the same torments as women as long as they stay in abusive relationships, including shock, unexpressed anger, misplaced guilt, and agony over whether to stay or go.

Those who don’t go generally stay for the same reasons women do — fear, dependence or a desire to keep the family together for the children. Men, too, can be beaten and tortured into a state of learned helplessness.

When abused men leave, their experiences tend to be much different than those of their female counterparts. They are less likely to tell anyone the truth about the breakup and must face sexist attitudes from many sources.

Police tend to disbelieve the male victim or expect any man to be able to protect himself from any woman.

Men who do speak up risk scorn, gossip and the public spotlight. Because such abuse is relatively unusual, or at least unreported, the cases that do come before the public eye are often sensationalized. The media frenzy that often accompanies reports of male abuse is detrimental not only to the victim, but to the other men who become reluctant to seek help.

Unfortunately, there are few services for battered men, and some end up in homeless shelters, which may or may not offer additional assistance. An abused man will often be ashamed and embarrassed to seek help from law enforcement, social service agencies or other sources.

The suffering of abused men should not be taken lightly, and all services to victims of abuse should be free of sex discrimination. In the final analysis, it comes down to the simple right of all people to live lives free of brutality.

Much of what goes on outside the home also has a hand in shaping the conditions that allow domestic violence to continue — and those that work toward its demise. A wide range of social and cultural forces help shape the attitudes of individuals. Today’s world continues to affect our opinions and behavior in both positive and negative ways.

Some believe people today have become desensitized to violence by the common occurrence of all types of brutality. We are surrounded by violence on the street, in the media, on the news, in sports, in war virtually everywhere. The pervasiveness of violence outside the home makes it more acceptable in the home as well.

The way children in American culture are raised is also an important factor. Despite changes of the past few decades, our educational, religious, military and recreational institutions still tend to encourage boys to be aggressive and authoritarian and to refrain from showing emotion. Such conduct is considered “manly.” The sports culture has been accused of having a hand in encouraging violence.

Carolene Britt is a counselor at Southwest Mississippi’s Mental Health Clinic. She can be reached at 601-446-6635.