Going out to eat is something my children have been accustomed to since they were very young. Not just to fast food places but real restaurants. They key was that we started them out at their dinner time not at the preferred adult time of 7 or 8 p.m. The result is that I have three children who are perfectly capable of ordering from menus and placing a napkin in their lap. So when my oldest child Holly started dating it wasn’t that big a deal to send her off. I reminded her that it was not nice to order the most expensive thing on the menu and to make her date open the door for her.

Since that was so simple, I assumed that the next child would be even easier; after all, boys are easier to send off into the dating world, right? Not necessarily so, as big sister and I have learned over the last few weeks. This past weekend was Matthew’s first prom and his first dinner out, without any adult help.

And while none of my three are perfect, they are reasonably well mannered. Without my late husband here for guidance, Holly and I tried to look at dating from a guy’s point of view &045; and we have decided that we have been way too hard on you guys for way too long.

Early the week before, I had reminded him about her corsage and that I would handle ordering that for him. He looked at me kind of funny; I guess he thought moms just kept those flowers in the refrigerator for emergencies.

Matthew had the first part down pat on our &uot;let’s start at the beginning&uot; talk. Shaking the young lady’s father’s hand was a natural, and talking to her mom would be easy. Both of them are adults he has known for a long time. He has opened doors for females of all ages since he was old enough to hold the heavy door at McRaes. So far so good. Help her take her coat off, pull out her chair and let her order first. OK, now things were getting a little harder, and I was afraid he might need to take notes and carry them with him. Holly reminded him not to treat her like he does his sisters. Which meant, don’t eat off of her plate. Then you pay the bill and you are out of there. Whoops, we forgot to cover paying the tip.

That involved an hour-long discussion of 10 percent was mostly at lunch time now, he could leave 15 percent at the restaurant he was going to but there are many restaurants where 20 and higher is expected. That was when I noticed his eyes beginning to glaze over.

The day before the prom we went to pick up his tuxedo. There he endured my 15 extra minutes of deliberation before I made him trade in his vest for a cummerbund. Personal preference on my part, poor kid; I didn’t even ask him if he minded. I also enforced the &uot;because I say so&uot; rule and he got a hair cut the day of the prom.

That night I dropped him and another couple off at Matthew’s date’s house. I did manage to run inside and see her in her dress. Another thing I had forgotten; pictures usually get taken at the girls’ houses and then I headed home.

Of course I could not wait until the next day to hear all the details. Unfortunately sons are not as good at remembering what every single girl wore as daughters are. But from all accounts that I received the Cathedral prom of 2003 went very well.

And as for our house, well I guess our instructions were a success. Matthew has a new girlfriend, and Holly and I have a new appreciation for how tough dating can be from the other side.

Christina Hall

writes a weekly column for The Democrat.