in God

By

JOAN GANDY

The Natchez Democrat

First there was fear; then came anger and bitterness as slowly Sandra Huber found her vision slipping away.

How could he do this, she wondered. How could God give her the talent to paint and then take it away?

More than painting would become difficult for Huber as optic neuropathy ravaged her eyesight over the next 20 years after she first noticed it. The disease has left her legally blind, and there is no stopping the ongoing deterioration of the nerves that cause what she calls &uot;holes in my vision.&uot;

Now 61, she has made peace with her condition and with God. However, her struggle with physical, mental and spiritual challenges tells a compelling story she freely shares.

As she described the onset of the neuropathy, she recalled looking for the end of her pen as she was writing. She could not see it. Next, she saw one red light on her telephone answering machine but not the second one. &uot;I had to shift my gaze to see certain things,&uot; she said. &uot;I realized I had holes in my vision, blind spots.&uot;

A visit to her ophthalmologist confirmed a problem. Huber learned that the holes in her vision would get larger as time went on. &uot;I plunged into despair,&uot; she said. &uot;I was so scared.&uot;

To complicate matters, her marriage was failing. She realized she might be alone &045; and with impaired vision. &uot;How was I going to function? Reading, getting dressed, everything was getting more difficult,&uot; she said.

One task after another became impossible as time passed. &uot;Reading, sewing, painting &045; things I enjoyed doing I had to give up,&uot; she said. &uot;I became bitter and began to feel angry toward God.&uot;

Further, she became embarrassed and tried to hide her impairment. At a buffet, she served her plate without asking for help. Instead of the etouffee she thought she was putting on rice, she had put mustard greens.

&uot;To make it worse, I wouldn’t even admit I had made a mistake. I said that was always how I ate my mustard greens. And, really, it tasted awful,&uot; she said. &uot;I was too embarrassed about not being able to see.&uot;

Huber remembers the day she awoke and decided that she no longer would feel sorry for herself.

&uot;Faith had everything to do with it,&uot; she said. &uot;I grew up in the church. I had become so scared and angry, but I emerged from my depressed state. I had gotten tired of my whiny self.&uot;

God had a plan for her, she was convinced. &uot;Obviously, his plan for me does not include perfect vision and maybe not any vision, but he does have a plan,&uot; she said. &uot;My vision continues to deteriorate, but instead of grieving over the loss, I thank God for what he has given me and for the years that I did have good vision.&uot;

She believes God worked through the Natchez Lions Club, when in 2004 she received a call from club member Betty Jean Smith.

&uot;I was sitting right here when she called,&uot; Huber said, pointing to the sofa where she sat in her living room. &uot;The Lions Club was instrumental in getting the CCTV for me.&uot;

The closed-circuit television with Magni-Sight Explorer has changed her life. &uot;I can read the Bible, study Sunday school lessons, read recipes, the telephone book, paint my fingernails, sew on a button, all those things I had been unable to do,&uot; she said.

And once again she can paint. The device she uses magnifies small details of a photograph so that she can create the image on her canvas. She demonstrated as she talked about how she once loved to paint portraits, impossible for her now.

&uot;People were my favorite thing to do. But portraits are too detailed for me now, and to paint a portrait you need to see the entire face at one time,&uot; she said.

She has painted to sell her work since 1980. &uot;But it seems I was born with a pencil in my hand,&uot; she said.

With &uot;zoom text&uot; on her computer, Huber now can do banking online, order things via the Internet and keep up with the news.

&uot;I function very well here at home,&uot; she said. &uot;Get me out of my environment, and I’m lost. And I ask for help when I go through a buffet.&uot;

Two sisters help her to shop during the week and to attend church on Sunday. &uot;Life is good,&uot; she said. &uot;I’m OK.&uot;