Many of the experts studying the widespread nature of domestic violence believe the problem may be even more common among gay and lesbian couples. The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence estimates that battering may occur in as many as one in three in same-sex relationships.

Abuse in homosexual relationships can be physical, sexual or emotional; it often occurs in a cyclical fashion; it can be lethal; its purpose is power and control of one partner over another; routine intimidation may be used to gain power; the abused person feels isolated; the victim often believes it is his fault.

However, important differences exist. Gays and lesbians in violent relationships usually have much more difficulty finding appropriate support. Those who do use existing services must necessarily reveal their sexual preference to others, although most shelters and related services will keep information about those who seek help confidential. However, this may still mean confronting a major life decision an individual may not be prepared to make. For those who have not yet “come out,” the threat of publicly revealing a partner’s homosexuality, especially to parents, employers and relatives, can give the abusive partner another weapon for control.

Social attitudes against homosexuality also make it difficult for battered gays and lesbians to find support and compassion. Stereotypes and bigotry against homosexuals persist. Even within the homosexual community, there may be a reluctance to acknowledge social problems, which could further fuel prejudice and homophobia with the heterosexual community.

Isolation is a special issue for abused gays and lesbians. In an area where there are few other homosexuals, the abused partner may feel very alone. Even in areas with large gay populations, the community tends to be small enough for people to know one another, so it is difficult to find support, yet maintain privacy. There is also a persistent myth that battering in same-sex relationships is mutual “fighting,” as opposed to one partner dominating and battering the other.

Fortunately, information and special services for gays and lesbians in violent relationships are becoming more abundant. A number of organizations, including the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, offer assistance.

Carolene Britt is a counselor at Southwest Mississippi Mental Health Complex. She can be reached at 200 S. Wall St., Natchez, MS 39121, or 601-446-6634.