NATCHEZ — Parenting expert John Rosemond said children who grew up in the 1950s were the last generation who were not a big deal, and that the mental health numbers were 10 times better than that shown in today’s youth.

By big deal, the family psychologist suggested children should not be the entire focus of mom’s existence — it’s OK to have a life.

“Today’s children are constantly being talked to and asked if there is anything that can be done for them,” Rosemond said. “They are objects of tremendous amount of maternal concern.”

Rosemond spoke to group of area parents Friday morning as an invited guest speaker to Cathedral School. The event was open to the public and approximately 30 people participated.

Around the country, Rosemond said he hears one consistent thing from mothers — “My child doesn’t respect me.”

Rosemond said that’s because no boundaries exist between the adult and child world.

“The typical female parent has allowed herself to become reduced to the status of a flesh and blood vending machine,” he said. “The impression from the child’s perspective is that being a child comes with entitlement status. And part of this entitlement is having someone, called mother, who will jump whenever you issue a command.”

And if mother does not comply when the child pushes the button, trouble starts.

“They will kick and scream at the vending machine,” he said. “Like we’ve all seen people do when one takes their money.”

Rosemond said a mother should not stop what she is doing just because a child wants attention — children should learn how to entertain themselves after they are 3. A child does need parental attention, but Rosemand said it isn’t a lot.

“You very quickly pass the point of diminishing return, where the giving of the thing becomes not only not functional, but actively dysfunctional,” he said. “My mother expected me to pay attention to her. When she entered the room where I was, she expected me to find out from her whether she came into the room expecting something of me or not.”

This socialist, egalitarian model of rearing children, based on the child being an equal, is also having an impact on many marriages because mom has no time for anything else, Rosemond said.

More often than not, he said, mothers become convinced that they are solely responsible for whether this child is going to grow up to be successful.

“When you believe you are the determining agent for the outcome of a very important project, you become anxious,” he said. “Anxiety drives micromanagement and women become very busy in their children’s lives.

“Honey, we haven’t talked in 30 minutes, are you feeling anything?” Rosemond asked in jest.

Society has become indoctrinated by what he calls the good mommy principle.

“It is an unspoken sistership of women who are obsessive compulsive about children,” he said. “They speak about nothing but children. They even introduce themselves as such, ‘Hi, I’m Taylor’s mom.’”

Good mommy pays as much attention to her child as she can and she solves any problem for the child.

Rosemond said when he was in fifth grade he came to his mother carrying a math book asking her for help. His mother took the book, saw that they were teaching it the same way they were when she was a child growing up in an orphanage, and said, “’I figured it out, so can you.’”

“But I know you know how to do it, I’m just asking you for help.”

His mother’s decision, however, was final.

“Did I like it at the time? No, but I thank her for it now,” Rosemond said. “You decide what your child needs, not the child. And you have to be very conservative about this.”

Children do not know when they are being reared properly.

“Today, when a child reacts emotionally to a decision, the mother feels a surge of anxiety,” Rosemond said. “And she begins to question whether she has made the proper decision.”

Rosemond also believes modern day parents are too concerned with children’s feelings and whether they are putting them through traumatic experiences.

“When you validate the emotions of a child, you treat every emotional expression as if it is worthy of discussion, the logical outcome is teens who are drama factories,” he said. “We are raising children who are being treated like Waterford crystal, so of course they are not emotionally resilient.”

Rosemond sad the Bible claims that foolishness is in the heart of a child.

“I don’t know about you, but I stopped arguing with God a long time ago,” he said. “You don’t want to talk about every single feeling a child has — very few, in fact.”

Finally, Rosemond talked about discipline.

“My mother never yelled at me, never spanked me,” he said. “I was not in a constant state of fear. But when she cut her eyes at me in a certain way, it would send chills up and down my spine. She just possessed her authority.”

He said for Christians, the fear of the Lord is to the benefit of the fearer. Likewise for a child, fear of the parent is to his or her benefit.

When mother’s discipline children today, Rosemond said he feels like it’s trying to combat a charging elephant with a flyswatter. The consequences need to be harsh and it doesn’t have to be fair.

“You want it to be something that forms a permanent memory,” he said. “And deliver consequences calmly and with forethought.

“A lot of parents are dealing consequences on a knee-jerk level, driven by emotion. That’s why later, you end up going in and apologizing, ‘Mommy just had a bad day.’ And you are back at square one.”

Dale Steckler of Natchez said it’s well worth the time.

“It would have been nice for all parents to have heard this,” she said. “It’s important because our families are being torn apart.”

Kelley Gay is the mother of an 8 year old, and after hearing the presentation, she said she felt empowered.

“I think the biggest problem I have is I try to be her friend,” she said. “And she speaks to me like I do her. I’m definitely going to take my authority back.”

To learn more about Rosemond, visit www.rosemond.com.